(i.e. His Hidden Landmine Question)
If he asks you whether you’ve slept with anybody, this is what we call his ‘Hidden Landmine Question’ . He wants to see if you’re going to trip up and spill about how he’s the only guy for you, or he wants to see if you have moved on, or slept with other guys .
At this point, one tactic is to just tell him directly that you don’t think it’s any of his business, and in a lighthearted but firm way assert that it’s not really an appropriate question to ask .
Remember, you do not have to answer anything that you don’t feel comfortable asking at this stage. If you haven’t slept with anybody, telling him you haven’t only buys into his belief that he has a right to know when he doesn’t . If you have slept with someone, it could rock the boat at a delicate moment . You haven’t laid the groundwork yet for a new connection with him, so you don’t want your answer to interfere with the new bond you are forming with him at this time . Should he ask you any of this question, it does not become a license for you to ask the same . It will be that much more attractive if he’s the one who’s asking, but he sees you not even bothering to find out the same information . It will leave him wondering why you aren’t interested to know, once again contributing to your value, and the uncertainty he feels around you . Desire follows .
4 . Let your phone brag for you
If one of these new characters in your life should happen to call you while you are with him, excuse yourself from the table to take it .
It doesn’t mean you have to be rude and spend the next ten minutes talking with them, but you can tell them you are going to call them back away from him . It doesn’t matter whether it was a man or a woman that called you . This simple act gets his imagination working, and shows him that he’s a little more of a stranger than he used to be – not close enough to you to listen in on your conversations . 5 . No Emotional Time-Traveling
It’s possible that the past between the two of you will come up . Perhaps the two of you will stumble over a story from your relationship, an old joke will repeat itself…the past is something that is present in the room with you, but needn’t be given to much airtime right now . You both know the past, you were there . It’s done, and it’s unlikely to be productive to spend too much time (if any) talking about it right now . You’ll do far better to talk about what’s happening in your life now and in the near future . If anything should come up from the past, find a way to be playful about it and laugh at the elephant in the room . Solemn emotions are off limits here.
You can, of course, use your knowledge of him from the past to your advantage . You know him . This not only means that you know what types of things he’s attracted to, and therefore which buttons to push, it also allows for cute moments where you are able to make fun of qualities you know he has . If, for example, you know that when you would go out to eat he would often eat too much, and you’d end up rubbing his belly trying to soothe him, you could make a joke that references this time when you see him eating a lot in front of you: “Be careful how much you eat, I’m not rubbing your belly later!” It allows for a little moment of sweetness between you because it reminds you that you have a past together in a positive way .
Just don’t overdo it . If you always used to make him breakfast, don’t say “how do you get by these days making your own breakfast each morning?” It makes it look like you are trying to overtly question how he would be living without you . Remember the Goldilocks Principle here .
Feel free to talk about shows you’ve been watching while you’ve been apart that you think he might like as well . Talk about movies you’ve seen . An ex of mine asked me if I’d seen the Wolf of Wall Street because she felt I would really enjoy it, which was a sweet moment . Just don’t fall into the trap of assuming they are exactly the same person . Don’t attempt to order him something he used to eat, for example . It stunts the process of trying to get to know each other afresh . Remember, this is like you getting to know each other on a first date again.
There’s a line that’s easy to cross when you’ve been a couple . Since this is to be treated as a first date, show the best side of you, not the over-familiar side . Don’t dump him with about the bad mood you were in yesterday, or the big arguments you’re having with your mum . He may understand it better than anyone since he knows you and your mum, so the temptation to tell him will be high . But this is the time to shine . It may be more natural for you to say “I have to pee”, but instead say “excuse me I need the restroom” . The little bit of distance breeds unfamiliarity and this makes him want to start working for you again to create the intimacy .
This goes back to the difference between love and desire . When things seem unfamiliar to him it creates desire, the desire leads to intimacy which creates feelings of familiarity and what follows are feelings of love . You may be tempted to go back to the feelings of comfort and love that you had when the two of you were (and
indeed may still be) close, but this is not what the situation calls for right now . You want him to feel this is exciting and new again . The fact that you are not just settling back into a comfortable place with him is also a little scary and strange for him . It’s the sort of behaviour that makes him want to get you back in your pyjamas and take your makeup off again to make you less intimidating . It throws him off balance and breaks the pattern, which is what attraction is all about . Remember, attraction is about keeping him slightly off balance.
6 . Let Him Impress You Again
Just because you are creating a sense of challenge for him, doesn’t mean you can’t show admiration for the things he is doing in his own life . If he tells you about something he has achieved, or a challenge he has overcome, you should genuinely compliment him on it: “that’s really amazing, well done” . And don’t be afraid to ask him more about it .
You’ve got to flatter his ego to a certain extent: it is a ‘date’ after all, even if he’s not looking at it that way . Take an interest specifically in the things that you didn’t perhaps show enough of an interest in before . E .g . his job, the hobby he loves, an interest he has . Show an interest and ask follow-up questions about what he’s doing in that area . It’s important to show that you are supportive of his growth . If he’s passionate about something right now, indulge him and show that you are excited for him . Only good can come from being excited about his endeavors and the things he is trying to achieve . If you shit over his new plans, he’ll just see you as trying to hold him down and as someone he wants to prove wrong . That’s a bad place to be . You need to look like an incredibly supportive teammate right now . So never be afraid to let him have free reign to speak about his interests .