Now that you’ve gotten ready the right way, let’s talk about the energy you have when you see him .
Arriving in a great state of mind is key . You certainly don’t want to arrive with any sense of drama in your life, moaning, or negativity . You wouldn’t bring these things to a first date, so don’t bring them to him just because you know him. This rule is absolutely paramount, so it bears repeating in full: Act with your ex as if it were your first date .
On a first date, there is no drama . You don’t come in and begin complaining about your boss at work, or emotionally venting about how difficult things are right now, and you definitely don’t begin grilling a guy on his deepest emotions . First dates are about fun - it’s exactly the same here . You want your ex right now to associate nothing but good times and light-heartedness with being with you . Remember: he’s probably going to be expecting some super-serious-solemn-long-and-emotional conversation about the state of the relationship right now . But if you engage in that, you’ll just fire off neurons in his brain that tell him relationships are ‘heavy’
and ‘difficult’ and ‘draining’ . You don’t want any of those words associated with you . Any ‘heavy conversations’ right now are pure, distilled Kryptonite to your ex .
See, when men break up with a girl, either because they fight too much, or they feel frustrated, or because she’s needy and jealous, or because she was too controlling, for that month or two after the
break up his head is going to be telling him “Go! Be Free! Live your life without restraint . Without drama or difficulty! Dance through the golden meadow of careless, single freedom!”
Right now then, it is crucial that you don’t overload him with emotion and ‘working things through’ . The smart woman will instead, at this point, blindside him with just how relaxed and casual she can be . This throws him off-balance, and as we already know, throwing him off balance is half the battle when it comes to attraction .
It’s not about being over-the-top happy, it’s more about an authentic positivity which puts you in the role of being easy-going and relaxed . Again, you don’t pretend you are joyful about the break-up, or it will come across as false (I call this tactic Going To Pleasantville, because it’s the woman who tries waayyy too hard to pretend everything is super-shiny perfect at all times) . He knows you so he’s likely to sense any pretend version of in you trying to appear happy . Instead, if he asks you how things are, or gives you a look and says “So how have you been?” Just respond with something brief like “Yea, I’m good .”, but not in a peppy-happy way like “I’m GOOD!!! :)” . More in a kind of calmly positive way, - a tone that is positive but not trying-too-hard .
After you say this don’t elaborate further . That’s a trap you don’t want to fall down . The less you say about how you’ve been, the more you’re going to have him wondering, which is what you want right now . Now is not the time to dwell on feelings . Instead, it’s much better to chat casually about new things you’ve been doing, ideally something that sounds intriguing or different in your life .
Now there’s one big question you may be asking: “How affectionate should I be when I see him?”
Put simply, you should not be all over your ex .
In fact, part of your power is in letting him feel your presence without all the affection he used to get when he was in a relationship with you . There is something of the forbidden fruit about having an ex in front of you whom you can’t touch or kiss like you once could . Use this to your advantage.
That being said, you do want to engage in just enough affection for him to feel your closeness and your warmth . This is most easily done with a hug and kiss (on the cheek!) on arrival . Don’t do this awkwardly . Remember, any hint of awkwardness is a distraction from the two of your just having fun together and enjoying each other’s company again . It’s also a cue that you still care too much . What will throw him off his guard is if he can see you . Show up and be ultra comfortable and hug him with a relaxed and carefree attitude .
When you do hug him, allow it to linger for a second . No more than an extra second, but somewhere in between a quick awkward hug and a prolonged “I don’t want to let you go hug” . It should communicate the warmth of showing you are pleased to see him, and give him long enough to take you in . This is the ‘Sweet Spot’
of well calibrated physical contact . Just enough so he feels enticed without seeming like you’re treating him like he’s still your boyfriend . Familiar, but not overly-intimate .
Remember too what I mentioned about scent . Your hug with him is a vital chance for him to smell that familiar scent and get all of those memories, emotions and feelings of attachment back . It’s important to note that these reactions happen in his brain without his choosing .