Wait for him to make contact with you after you’ve seen him . It’s important that he sees it as his decision to continue the interaction.
It will also help you to determine whether he is proactively engaging with you or just responding to your attempts at communication . You being overzealous at this stage only has the potential to remind him of a negative side to the relationship .
Be aware of texts that are sent from him too late at night . If it comes after 11pm, wait until the following day to text him back . It will do you no harm, and will show that there are hours that are more appropriate for him to text you . Once again, it shows a standard .
Do not devolve into explicitly sexual texts with him at this stage . It’s the long distance equivalent of sleeping with him without him having earned it . Innuendo and suggestion are fine, but keep them sparing (e .g . if he tries to heat things up by asking you if you’re still wearing the underwear he bought for your birthday, you can say
“wouldn’t you like to know! ;)”)
The same rule can be applied to anything that is too emotional or revealing . Texts are not the place for this . They are too open to interpretation and you certainly don’t want to be going to that place too quickly . The mood should still be fun, positive and flirtatious . If you want a principle to apply to the texts you should send, think of it this way: they should always have a point to them . For example, something you saw that you think he’d appreciate, or a photo with a joke . Never just a simple “What are you up to?” I’ve created an additional short bonus in the programme to reveal more about the BEST TEXTS to drive him wild, and it’s completely free, so make sure you study it as your cheat sheet so you know examples of texts to fire off and seduce him from afar .
If he wants to text you without a purpose just because he’s thinking of you, that’s great, but don’t be the one to initiate this . This is not about game playing, it’s about being certain: How will you ever know if there’s a serious level of investment on his side unless you wait to see if he’s willing to proactively pursue you? You’ve shown enough tentative interest by meeting him in the first place . Now it’s his turn .
He’ll want to text you and meet up again, he’ll want to pursue you . But only allow this to play out like you were dating for the first time again . Don’t sleep with him right away, at least not without a few dates first . If you allow things to escalate gradually in the bedroom,
you’ll be able to test whether he really wants you or whether he just wants to come over for a quick night of fun .
And this has nothing to do with playing games over sex, since you guys are WAY past that . It’s about showing that you have a standard, and that he can’t just charm his way through that standard, or play on your desire for him to get you back into bed . It’s something that comes with a meaningful relationship with you should he choose to embark on it again .
And of course, if by chance he doesn’t pursue a relationship with you over the coming weeks, you are going to be extremely glad you didn’t sleep with him . There’s nothing that brings you down harder than being the casual fling of someone you are in love with and have been in a relationship with before . Sleeping with him again is something you should do ONLY once you have clear indicators that it is actually going somewhere .
Now, sooner or later chances are there will be a talk about getting back together . You don’t ever have to have an ‘official talk’ but when you start talking about the relationship, state the things you need from him before you move on . DON’T go on a rant about all the things he used to do wrong, e .g . “Tom, it annoys me the way you always shut me out of your social life and never made an effort with my friends” . Instead talk about it in terms of your requirements and standards for the relationship going forward, e .g . “Tom, I need someone who wants to be involved in my life and cares about the things that matter to me and doesn’t take me for granted” . This way you are giving him clear rules for him to follow before he’s worthy of having you back completely .
Now, the beautiful part of this is that you are totally changing the frame . Instead of you needing him, it’s going to be him who
WANTS YOU, but you’re going to be setting the terms for getting back together .
Once you have him starting to do the work in chasing you again, remember to keep that high value mindset you learnt in Step 2 when you built up your life . Keep your passions, your wide social circle, your career, and those other important parts of your life that you now draw strength from . Remember, just because he’s started to get on board again, doesn’t mean the train is going to stand still!
If you stagnate and drop all your good habits once he’s back you’re going to feel just as vulnerable and terrified of losing him as before . Instead, keep proving to yourself that you have a life that is happy and thriving WITH OR WITHOUT HIM .
And what if your Ex still isn’t trying to even chase you after all this?
If that’s the case, it may simply that he has completely fallen out of love, or that the relationship was so unbearable for him that he has zero desire for reconciliation . Now, if either of these were the case, to be honest it’s highly unlikely your ex would have even got in touch or come to hang out with you in the first place . In any event, simply go back to the plan outlined in Stephen’s e-book (‘Back to Life: How to Recover From a Breakup Fast’) and work on your own life and wait to see if he gets back in touch . Send him a text (from the accompanying special guide I’ve provided with this programme, titled ‘What to Text Your Ex: 9 Simple Texts to Spike His Desire, Make Him Miss You And Seduce From Afar’) once every two weeks and see if he bites back with a flirtatious message back . What is more likely though is that after your date your ex will start to contact you very gradually and ‘test the water’ now and then
through texting and possibly light flirting . If that’s the case you just need to communicate three traits we’ve talked a lot about in this programme . You want to show:
A . Desirability - i .e . make it clear you are ‘in-demand’, dating, and doing lots of other things .
B . Challenge - Show that he can’t just snap his fingers and have you immediately texting back/running to his place . He has to earn you back in his life (especially if he broke things off before) .
C . Excitement - Show him that you are fun and casual and that he’ll only ever enjoy your company .
And if your ex just isn’t biting after your date, just move on . You may drop him one text next week (but never text him unprompted more than once a week) to see if he replies, but after that, radio silence . Don’t get in contact anymore and move on with your life until either (a) he contacts you (which 95% of guys eventually will), or (b) you have completely moved on and met someone else (which is also likely to happen once you work on making yourself happy and secure in your own life) . Either way, the result is the same . You’re going to feel happier, more fulfilled and like you truly have control over your love life . If you want more on making the single life work for you, I have tonnes of material and programmes (and even a New York Times Bestselling Book) to help you do that .
You’re most important mission in all of this is to stay the course and remain positive and committed to moving forward . The more your ex sees this in you, the more he’s going to be intrigued and want to chase the moving train that is your life as you bring all these changes and growth into your world .
You have the tools to win him back now . But much more than that, you have the tools for fulfilling yourself on a level that no-one else can .
There’s a phrase from my friend Jon Turteltaub’s movie ‘Cool Runnings’ in which the coach of an Olympic Bobsled team says to one of his hopeful pupils: “A gold medal is a wonderful thing . But if you’re not enough with one, you’ll never be enough without one” . I always feel the same about relationships: Special and wonderful as it can be to fall in love and have a partner, if you’re not enough without a relationship you’ll never be enough with one . Right now you are enough, and the more you embody this feeling in your life the easier it will be for your ex or any guy to fall deeply in love and want to share their world with you .